On Divorce: A Letter to a Friend

My Friend,

You asked about divorce. You talked about divorce leaving the parties with only 2 choices; living celibate for the rest of their lives or marrying and living in perpetual adultery. You mentioned, in passing, the traditional, third scenario, in which, due to the sexual promiscuity of one or the other of the partners, the “innocent” partner is free to remarry.

Putting it all into the simplest terms I must tell you that God is “against” divorce for any reason. Divorce is “adultery” in the mind of God. It “adulterates” – i.e. corrupts – a Divinely created bond; the “one flesh bond” of the Creation story. Read any of the passages in the New Testament that address it – Matthew 5:31 & 32; Matthew 19:3 – 8; Mark 10:2 – 12; 1Corinthians 7:11 – 27 – and you will find that it is anathema with God. In light of this we must accept that divorce is sin.

So what do we do? We do what we do in the event of any other sin. We acknowledge it. We confess it, repent of it and all the stuff that lead to it, ask God, and anyone else whose been affected by it, for forgiveness, and humbly seek God’s and other’s guidance and training in the areas where we’ve behaved wrongly.

Right about here, though, is where the protests begin. “But I wasn’t the unfaithful partner!” “I’m the innocent victim here.” Karl, the “innocent victim” piece is fraudulent. The phrase, “except for marital unfaithfulness,” has been misinterpreted. Remember, the issue here is the adulteration of the “one flesh bond,” and when it has been adulterated. THE MESSAGE paraphrase of the confusing passage reveals that misinterpretation. “If you divorce your wife, you’re responsible for making her an adulteress (unless she has already made herself that by sexual promiscuity).” So the NIV reading, “ … I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery,” would more accurately reflect Jesus’ intent here if it read, “… I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife causes her to corrupt or profane the ‘one flesh bond,’ unless, of course, she’s already profaned it by promiscuous behavior.” Please take careful note. The profaning of the bond is at issue here. And one way or another, that bond is corrupted by divorce. There is no getting around it. Innocence is not even mentioned nor does it fit in this conversation. Jesus has one thing and one thing only on His mind here. Divorce corrupts a Divinely established bond and is, therefore, contrary to God’s plan. Anything that runs counter to God is sin.

You may say, at this point, that I have made an already difficult issue even more complicated. I agree that it seems, at least, that I have. But when you read the Matthew 19 discussion you find Jesus explaining why Moses allowed for divorce when it’s such a big deal to God. “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives,” He said, “because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.” Note His reiteration that this is not what God intended. Still, despite that, “because of your hardness of heart,” the permission to divorce was granted. Do you get it? God is making a gracious concession to our stubborn rebellious nature. That is what He has repeatedly done and continues to do. It is called “GRACE.” I’ve capitalized it on purpose. We are stubborn, rebellious creatures. God has gone an infinite distance to break into our hard hearts with this loving Grace. He wants to redeem us and He will do so even if it costs Him everything. And He will meet us where we are. If we’re divorced He’ll forgive us. That means He will put it behind Him, and us, and allow us to start over “brand new.” It’s called “new birth.”

Do we, then, presuming on the Grace, opt for lives of serial monogamy in the hope that we’ll find that perfect match. Of course not. St. Paul makes that clear in Romans 6. Such behavior is no more remorseful and penitent than that of an alcoholic who’s been going to “Meetings” for 10 years but continues to stock his stash. And there can be no Grace there because there’s no recognition of the need of it.
Anyone who wants to live married God’s way, even though they’ve been divorced, can do so. All those who've been divorced need to do is accept that they’ve lived in a way displeasing to God; accept His forgiving Grace; seek His life changing Grace; and submit to His training Grace in preparation for a new and improved way of loving.